Grief is What You Feel, Mourning is What You Do
By Jackie Leon
As an identity coach, I encounter a lot of grief and mourning in my sessions.
Like any other emotion or situation, it's important to acknowledge.
We don't just grieve people. We grieve jobs that defined us, homes that held our memories, relationships that shaped who we became, competitions we trained everything for, versions of ourselves we had to leave behind.
In many cases, we're not grieving what we lost, we're grieving what never came to be. The dream that stayed a dream. The words never spoken. The life we thought we'd be living by now.
I've mourned five major things: my very tumultuous childhood, losing myself in my thirties, our 30-year-old family business, our house and three late miscarriages.
You can grieve a childhood you never had. You can grieve the person you used to be. You can grieve a legacy built over decades, walls that held your memories, lives that never got to begin.
What I want you to understand is that your body remembers everything. Keep grief bottled up and it doesn't disappear, it surfaces later in ways you don't expect.
Grief is what you feel: the sadness, anger, confusion, disappointment, sometimes even relief.
Mourning is what you do with those feelings. And it's deeply personal.
Bereavement isn't linear. Some people move through their sadness in days, others need months or years. There's no timeline. But grief passes more quickly when you actually mourn, especially with positive and connecting experiences. Laughing with people who know what you lost. Sharing stories. Holding gatherings. Remembering together. Special anniversaries. Rituals. Even a group WhatsApp. Anything that connects people.
Some people find and connect with objects and symbols. A piece of jewelry, clothing, a stone, scars, tattoos. These pieces become a means of time traveling. Over time, they occupy less space in our lives. A way of slowly letting go…
It's not about reliving the period. It's about remembering. That's what heals.
There's no right way. Some people need silence and solitude, others need community and noise. Most of us need both at different moments.
However you're mourning, that's your way.
For reflection: How are you mourning? Not how you should, how you actually are?