A Problem Shared
By Jackie Leon
You lose your job. Someone asks, "What do you do?" You freeze.
You have a miscarriage. People ask, "So when are you having kids?" The pain is real.
Your husband is in a critical depression. A neighbor asks, "How's your husband?" You smile and lie.
When you're in transition, you enter what we call "the neutral zone", a place between who you've been and who you're becoming. The old is gone but the new isn't operational yet. There's so much resistance and doubt holding you back. You might feel fear, pressure, depression. It can feel really intense. So disorienting you don't know which way is up.
I've been through so many transitions, and I'm happy to share this: it's okay. It takes time and it's not your fault.
My very small circle got me through the toughest times. I say very small circle because you want to stay away from the ones who criticize, judge, or attack you in those painful moments of reconstruction. The people who got me through could sit with me in the mess, not because they had answers, but because they understood that connecting with others is so central to getting through.
Humans are made for connection and companionship. Self-disclosure is extremely rewarding. Even as we age, we love and need significant others to reflect back at us the significance of our actions, to help us make meaning of them together. Sometimes we're too close to events to see our possibilities, our choices. Other times, we only need a shoulder to cry on. That's the beauty of sharing.
A problem shared is a problem halved, not because sharing solves it, but because isolation makes everything heavier.
When you name what you're going through with people who've earned the right to hear your story, something shifts. With the right people, ones who show up with love, compassion, and zero judgment, you can get through the fog. Not the people who need you to be fine. The people who can handle you being not fine.
So here's your move: Who is one person who's earned the right to hear what you're actually going through? Not the polished version. The real one.
And here's the other side: We all have goals. We're all busy. But please take the time to observe and respect what's happening to others around you. Some are struggling in ways you can't see.
Connection is born in the mess, not after it's cleaned up.
~ Jackie